jax (nolajax) wrote in unusedpotential,

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so it's been awhile...

Ok so this weekend was strangely enlightening for me.  I talked alot this weekend, but a couple of conversations stuck with me.  It's very easy for me to forget to live.  I can get into a habit of just going through all the motions of life, i.e. going to work, hanging out with my friends...   I just do those things, but I don't really feel like I'm living my life.  Or even that I'm the one IN my life sometimes.   It's like there's this other person inhabiting my body and just surviving.  But what's the point of that???   I mean if you don't get any benefit out of your own life then isn't it just pointless?? I get all wrapped up in the things that I haven't done that I "should have by now" that I keep forgetting that every day you waste is just another day deeper into the abyss that you can't get back.  I haven't enjoyed my life in a really long time.  Just because I'm 24 and haven't finished school, or even begun to figure out what I want from life doesn't mean I'm a failure.  Although it feels that way most of the time.  I'm stuck in this evil holding pattern and I don't know where to begin to drag my way out of it.  HOWEVER, even though I don't have the slightest clue where to actually start I am committing myself to this (no matter how cheesy it sounds):   life every day.  for me.  and try to enjoy it, shitty job and compounding debt and all. 



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